Friday, June 17, 2011

Twitch-Punching

Alright, so it’s been five months since my last post, and needless to say, I’ve forgotten a lot of things. Heck, I even forgot which host site I had used to publish myself. Haha. I had to go around the internets and stopped at http://wordpress.com/ before I ended up at http://www.blogger.com/. Good times.

So after my five month hiatus (which would have been longer had I not been harassed), the big question is, “What the hell am I going to write about?” Having already blogged on squirrels getting busy, being rejected by a make believe dictionary, and bed head, there’s just not a lot left to talk about. Not going to lie, after writing that last sentence, my mind drifted for a solid five minutes. I think I started to fall asleep, when I was rudely brought back to consciousness by a twitch in my right arm. Ah, the twitch!

In some unofficial polls, I twitch more than anyone I know. No, it’s not the “I’m awake and it’s a full scale psychological warfare tick / twitch” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdSWk6RerQ0), it’s the “I’m sleeping and my muscles need to stretch out” twitch, or the much more hilarious and dangerous “I’m dreaming but my body doesn’t think so” twitch. Let me explain the difference (warning, the following does not contain any science):

-        The first type of twitch that I experience, which is the “I’m sleeping and my muscles need to stretch out” twitch, is relatively mundane and unassuming. I work out, play sports, and am generally active, and sometimes when I’m asleep, my leg will kick out slightly, or my hand will clench. I think most people have this natural twitchility (twitch-ability, new word!), and in watching a significant other sleep (creepy!!), have confirmed as such. Therefore, this type of twitch really isn’t a big deal.

-        The “I’m dreaming but my body doesn’t think so” twitch is on an entirely different level. Sometimes the twitching is entertaining (even to myself), sometimes it’s harmful (don’t worry, only harmful to others, not myself). In both instances, I’m usually dreaming about playing basketball. In the make believe world in my head, I’ll be trying to catch a pass, but in the real world, both my arms will shoot out in the direction that the make believe ball is coming towards. Take my flight to Thailand for example. Having taken the red-eye, I had just sat down and was already passing out when I started dream-ballin (new word!). I reached up to grab an alley-oop pass and must’ve hit the seat in front of me, because I was awake just long enough to hear the people next to me say, “Hey look, that guy’s twitching again!” I remember their laughter before I passed right back out. Good times.

Apparently this is the first image you get when you google: “dream balling”

-        Now, if you’re a bystander on a plane, or you sat two rows above me in econ lecture, the twitching is pretty funny. But if you’re a significant other who likes to cuddle, BEWARE (I know, I’m really selling myself well here)! When that make believe basketball is heading in the direction of your kidney, or if you're less fortunate, your face, I’m....sorry? I haven’t landed too many haymakers in my time (that I’ve been told about), but luckily I’ve never woken up to see a black eye staring back at me, or worse yet, woken up with a black eye (in retaliation).


Pandas have black eyes, get it??

So that’s that. Maybe I have a sleep disorder, maybe I should invest in straight jacket pajamas, maybe I should stop blogging…

These look comfy!

For some extra hilariousness about other people with problems, check out this twitch forum link: http://forums.webmd.com/3/sleep-disorders-exchange/forum/792

2 comments:

  1. its probably another new word that he invented

    ReplyDelete