- 1st phone alarm goes off (No biggie, just the first alarm. Time for more sleep, "hooray!")
- 2nd phone alarm goes off twenty minutes later (Hmm, second alarm? I've still got one more. My bed is warm, so nice and warmzzzzzz).
- 3rd alarm, which is located across the room, goes off (Holy eff you are annoying. Fine, I'll get up, but not because you're making me. It's because I want to...smash you against the wall).
- Stumble to bathroom. Turn on lights (my eyes!). Pee (aaaaahhh). Wash hands (so cold!). Put in contacts (I can see!). Take vitamin. Wash face.
- Walk to closet. Get dressed.
- Walk back to bathroom. Clothes sanity check (still sane). Apply hair product. Notice cowlick (dammit, again?). Apply water to affected area. Towel dry. Apply more hair product to said area (success!).
- Walk downstairs. Grab computer. Get in car.
Now, the process above only takes thirty minutes from first alarm to car entrance, but today, today was a full scale follicle frenzy. A cowlick conundrum if you will. After I washed my face and looked up, I was literally taken aback. Did I just scare the crap out of myself? Underwear check...no, I'm good. WTF is that on my head?!? What happened while I was sleeping? Did a cow sneak in and lick my hair between alarms one and two? What would a cow that jacked me up this badly even look like?
Ok, it couldn't have been one of those cute little cartoon cows:
I'm adorable. Love me!
It couldn't have been your run of the mill cow:
I'm totally harmless and a bit thirsty. Love me!
(Does this remind anyone else of Dave Chappelle's "Making the Band" skit? Stop at 5:05 for comparison)
It must've been this cow:
I'mmmmmmm goinggggg to lick every last piece of hairrrrr on your headdddd!
Try sleeping ever againnnn!
I ended up taking a shower. Shampooed my hair twice. Was late to work. I'd lock my door going forward or threaten to eat more beef, but I know, they're watching me:
I'm watching you.